April 2017 - Page 4 of 4 - Hoot Deconstructed

Worst Fiancé Ever – The Crohn’s Saga Part 35

So, in case you haven’t noticed by now, I have a dark sense of humor. Dark humor helps me cope. It’s one of the main reasons this site exists. It adds levity where there would otherwise be despair and it can make a tough situation manageable. However, in this instance, it backfired.

Sometimes I’m baffled as to why anyone would date me. I’m generally a pretty good guy, but I also have a really bad habit of speaking without editing or considering how things sound outside of my head. This is often at odds with being in a relationship, as relationships require the ability to read the other person and react in a manner that syncs. My fiancé was reeling from the reality of the situation and my attempt at dark humor made it so much worse. Behind my comment really was my blessing that she could move on if anything happened, but man, horrible timing.

So my advice to people like me: read the room first, knucklehead. Think about what you’re about to say before you say it and how it will make others feel. Sometimes, you don’t need the crutch that humor provides. Sometimes, situations just suck and that’s part of life. And that’s ok.

Baby Knees – All Sorts

One summer when we were kids, my little sister and I were playing when I noticed that her knees looked like little baby faces. Being the older brother, I of course teased her for a while then promptly forgot about the whole thing. Two weeks later we go to the pool and what do I see all around me? Baby face knees! Experience has taught me that about 1 in 5 people are afflicted by this.

And now that you’re aware, you’ll never not see it again.

Internal Censors – The Crohn’s Saga Part 36

Thank god for internal censors. It’s strange being a patient and living on the other side of a hospital visit. If you’re like me, you try to be polite and you often want to reassure your visitors rather than scare them. At the same time though, you’re immersed in a painful and frightening reality. There isn’t really a frame of reference to help explain it.

So, what’s the protocol for visiting a Crohnie in the hospital? I’m glad you asked. For your consideration, I present to you:

12 Things to Know About Visiting a Crohnie in the Hospital

Never visit without planning and confirming ahead of time. Being hospitalized for Crohn’s is rough, embarrassing, and emotional. Would you think it’s a lovely surprise to see someone while you’re lying in bed crying because you’ve just thrown up all over yourself and you’re losing faith that you’ll ever get better? I think not.
Call the day before to set a visit time. You don’t want to interfere with any tests, meals, or anything else. Showering also doesn’t happen too frequently as a patient, so give your Crohnie a chance to clean up.
Call before you leave to visit. If you planned ahead the day before, a lot may have changed. Confirm that your Crohnie will be around and is still feeling up for it.
Call when you’ve parked to confirm the visit is still ok. Circumstances change quickly in the hospital. Your Crohnie may be fine when you leave the house, but getting sick out of both ends and not up for visitors 10 minutes later.
Don’t be late for your visit. With nothing to do in the hospital, a patient usually plans an entire day around visitors. Don’t hurt your Crohnie by being late and making him or her wait. And if that’s not reason enough, remember that your Crohnie offered that time for a reason. There may be tests later or something else that would interfere with a visit.
Before you leave, ask if there is anything your Crohnie needs. Toothbrush, floss, deodorant, phone changer, whatever. Your patient is stuck in the hospital, can’t leave his or her room, and may be in need of something.
Do not bring food for a Crohn’s patient. Seriously, if a person with Crohn’s is in the hospital, he or she is either on a restricted diet, prepping for a test, or just not eating at all.
Try to avoid bringing food for yourself. I know it’s easy to stop at the food court to grab a snack for the visit, but remember you’re visiting a person who probably can’t eat. It’s frustrating to smell food and watch others eat when you’re starving or nauseated.
Do bring books, puzzles, video games, and other distractions to help your Crohnie pass the time. Hospital life gets boring and tedious. Anything to break up the monotony is good.
Stay 10-30 minutes. Your Crohnie may be sick, tired, or in need of going to the bathroom.
Be ready for a dose of reality. Hospital life is very real and very gritty. There isn’t much shame. Your Crohnie may look and/or smell terrible. They may have marks from IVs all over their arms and hands. They may vomit. They may fall asleep. Their butt may be exposed through the hospital gown. They may tell you everything that’s going on. Don’t make a big deal out of any of it. If you don’t think you can keep it together, don’t visit.
Don’t be offended if your Crohnie declines a visit. In addition to feeling terrible, a Crohnie endures a lot of humiliating things in the hospital that he or she may not want you to see. Respect his or her wishes.

Shut It Down – Let’s Go to School in Belgium

Two things to know about going to grad school in Belgium: 1) it is very affordable and 2) they accept almost anyone with a reasonably relevant background. In terms of the first point, in Belgium, education is subsidized by the government. It’s almost like they decided that they’d be a stronger society if quality education was available to everyone and as such, individuals shouldn’t need to incur crippling amounts of debt because of it. Novel, isn’t it?

Regarding that second point, I really dig their outlook. To attend grad school in the states, you have to take standardized tests, submit writing samples, go through interviews, and so on. It’s an incredible pain in the butt. And regarding standardized tests, seriously? When you hit the level of specialization of graduate school, who cares if you are generally well-rounded? It sort of misses the point of the whole thing, but it’s a hoop you have to jump through anyway. And you have to pay to do it. In Belgium on the other hand, they accept most applicants that have a relevant background. The flipside of this is they are also much more cavalier about putting you through the ringer and/or failing you. If you go this path, you will not be coddled. You’ll get in, but you’ll have to prove that you want to succeed and that you are capable of succeeding. Frankly, this approach makes a lot more sense to me.

Food? – The Crohn’s Saga Part 37

So, after 8 days of the super drug cyclosporine not working, it finally kicked in and I recovered enough to be able to eat again. Everyone seems to put hospital food on the same level as airplane food, but I generally found it to be ok. What was not ok however, is that they didn’t offer foods to fit the diet my doctor recommended. They had great options for diabetics and people with high cholesterol, but nothing for Crohnies. It was very frustrating to have to break doctor’s orders while still in the hospital. I probably should have filled out a comment card or something.

If you’ve read my page About Crohn’s Disease, you’ve seen my blurb about diet and Crohn’s Disease. Basically, when you’re sick, you want to avoid anything that can get stuck in the sores and cause more inflammation. This means nothing with seeds, grains, or nuts, and no raw vegetables. The extreme version of this is called the low residue diet, which is actually not so bad. Just think of something a picky 3rd grader would eat. It basically consists of white bread, smooth peanut butter, cheese, potatoes, and chicken. It’s one of those things about Crohn’s that could be a heck of a lot worse.