Tag: All Sorts

I don’t understand perfume or cologne commercials. The whole point is to smell nice, right? So why the hell do they always depict some stupid drama with rich celebrities in Paris? Or some stupid weird mysterious adventure? I don’t want to smell like Johnny Depp treasure hunting in the desert. That sounds awful when you really think about it. I’d prefer to smell distinct and pleasant. So, here’s my attempt at a perfume commercial I’d actually like to see.

“Quantum Leap” depicts a conversation that happens sometimes when I am hanging out with my fiancé. I tend to be in my mind a lot. Especially when watching tv. Maybe it’s the passive experience that enables my idle mind to wander. Either way, my fiancé sometimes ask what I’m thinking about. She often regrets it and hardly ever relates. I can’t control the stuff I think about. It just pops in there. I once read an essay that described the mind as a passive receiver of thought. I guess I’m meant to passively receive anxiety-inducing thoughts about quantum leaping into tv and movies…

PS – Bonus points to anyone who can name all of the movies referenced in this post.

They say that pets take after their owners. My fiancé got a dog a few months before we started dating. When we first met, the dog was happy, spry, and full of energy. Now, after almost 4 years of living with me, she sleeps a ton, gets moody, and is often contemplative. I hope I’m not totally responsible for that. At least she’s kept her sweet disposition.

“The Accident” happened a few months ago. My fiancé and I were waiting at a stoplight on an overpass when the truck in front of us started to roll backwards. There were cars behind us and to the sides, so we had no choice but to watch as it rolled back and hit us. The trucker got out and explained that he’d been peeing into a cup and must have taken his foot off the brake. The explanation really didn’t make me feel any better and I noticed he left that part out when he gave his account to the cops. I can’t imagine why.

One summer when we were kids, my little sister and I were playing when I noticed that her knees looked like little baby faces. Being the older brother, I of course teased her for a while then promptly forgot about the whole thing. Two weeks later we go to the pool and what do I see all around me? Baby face knees! Experience has taught me that about 1 in 5 people are afflicted by this.

And now that you’re aware, you’ll never not see it again.