Worst Son Ever – The Crohn’s Saga Part 88

You’ve already seen me be the worst fiancé ever and now you get to see me be the worst son ever. My dad was just trying to be helpful, but I snapped at him. I was in a bad place at that time and I couldn’t endure even the thought of having a visitor. It was taking all my mental and emotional resources to hold myself together and I just didn’t have the capacity to deal with anything else. I didn’t want to see anyone or be seen by anyone.

Back in April, I posted 12 Things to Know About Visiting a Crohnie in the Hospital. The recurring rule there is never ever visit someone in the hospital without checking in first. I cannot overemphasize the importance of that. Sometimes the reason is simple – you could be out of the room for a test, you could be in the shower, whatever. Sometimes it’s more of a morale thing though. When I’m in a bad place and I know I’m incapable of putting a good face on it, I usually just want to be alone.

During that time with the catheter and the ng tube, I even tried to keep my fiancé and a friend who had flown in from California to see me from visiting. Thankfully, they pushed and I allowed them in. It’s a hard thing to look people you love in the eye and know that they are seeing you suffering and just about ready to break. It’s hard to be so exposed in front of others. Luckily, the two of them could handle it and I could handle being that vulnerable in front of them.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease when I was 11. It was hard for me, but it must have been hell for my parents. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must have been for them to see their son suffering and be helpless to do anything about it. I think that helplessness never goes away and I’m grateful that they find ways to try to share the burden. I hope they know that.

One of the best things to have come out of all of this is the reassurance that I’m not alone. It’s a powerful thing to know. I’m lucky when it comes to having good people in my life and I’m grateful for all of them.