Month: March 2017

Inner Dialogue – The Crohn’s Saga Part 15

“Inner Dialogue” portrays my feelings about Crohn’s Disease and how a flare exaggerates the love/hate relationship I have with my body. It’s difficult to sort out how to feel about my own body attacking itself. Frustration is common obviously, but I also feel betrayed and guilty a lot of the time. In a way, Crohn’s is me hurting myself, yet I am powerless to do anything about it. I resent my body when I am sick, but at the same time, I am going through all of this to try to save it. It’s like trying to help out your own abuser. During a flare, the mental game is critical, but sometimes difficult to sustain.

Quantum Leap – All Sorts

“Quantum Leap” depicts a conversation that happens sometimes when I am hanging out with my fiancé. I tend to be in my mind a lot. Especially when watching tv. Maybe it’s the passive experience that enables my idle mind to wander. Either way, my fiancé sometimes ask what I’m thinking about. She often regrets it and hardly ever relates. I can’t control the stuff I think about. It just pops in there. I once read an essay that described the mind as a passive receiver of thought. I guess I’m meant to passively receive anxiety-inducing thoughts about quantum leaping into tv and movies…

PS – Bonus points to anyone who can name all of the movies referenced in this post.

The IBD Siren Part 3 – The Crohn’s Saga Part 16

“The IBD Siren Part 3” depicts one of my favorite beverages that is also unfortunately one of the worst things you can have during a flare. Drinking and Crohn’s Disease don’t mix well, and I find beer especially troublesome. Gluten gives me trouble when I’m sick. It causes bloating and indigestion. Alcohol in general is also not a great idea. Aside from heartburn and nausea, a lot of Crohn’s medicines can hurt the liver, so it is best to avoid alcohol. However, as with all of the IBD Sirens, one must balance health with quality of life. I try not to drink when I’m sick, but when I do, my response varies wildly. I can have 2 glasses of wine and not feel a thing, or I can have 1/4 of a beer and feel it strongly. Either way, it is best to avoid drinking during a flare.

Let’s Go On Disability – The Crohn’s Saga Part 17

“Let’s Go On Disability” shows my first conversation with my disability representative. A few months into my flare, I found that I was no longer able to work. My body just couldn’t handle it. So, I had to go on disability. I am grateful my company has this program, but I learned very quickly that it is designed for predictable injuries like a broken leg. A Crohn’s flare just isn’t the kind of thing that has an estimable end. I can’t promise I’ll be better in 6 weeks. Trust me, I wish it were like that too.

Self Checkout – The Worst Person Ever

I encounter “Self Checkout” at least once a month. In my opinion, the self checkout lanes are designed to be an extension of the 15 items or less idea. They are for people who only have a few things and are looking to get in and out as fast as they can. It seems that most people agree with this. It’s become a social contract. However, every once in awhile, I encounter anarchists who don’t feel this way. They take a full cart with alcohol through the self checkout, then get annoyed when people are annoyed with them. These are also usually the people who don’t understand how the screens work and get confused that they need to show ID to purchase alcohol. They are the ones that Garfunkel and Oates had in mind when they observed that “if her IQ were 5 points higher, she’d have low self-esteem.” I just wanted to buy bread and go home, but now I have to stand here and watch your life collapse into public disaster.