Month: March 2017

I’m Fine – The Crohn’s Saga Part 24

How to talk about Crohn’s and being sick? This one is tough. It always was for me at least. Growing up German/Irish/Catholic in the Midwest, I was raised to keep a stiff upper lip and endure. I vividly remember being 18 and having my grandmother tell me that she was was proud of me for suffering in silence. I was extremely sick at the time. Like, could barely walk and in constant pain sick. We went to her place for a cookout and she told me she knew I was hurting and that it was great that I was keeping quiet and putting on a proud face. Her comment meant so much to me at the time. Now I just feel sad about it. I know she suffered a lot and I wish she’d talked about it and reached out for comfort.

Luckily, my fiancé is a tough young woman who speaks her mind and doesn’t take any crap. That she challenges me is one of the things I love best about her. At the time this happened, I’d been out of work on disability for about 2 months and I was starting to get really sick. Having had Crohn’s for so long, I was fully aware of how badly things could go for me. It was frustrating enough never having any energy, so I didn’t want to also her burden her with the details of the pain and my fears of where things could go. What I thought was mercy was actually just hurtful. She interpreted my silence and dismissals as pushing her away. I’m sure she wasn’t the only one.

So, I now take a different approach when I talk about my health. Not everyone needs to know everything, but I let the people closest to me know what’s going on, how I’m thinking about it, and how I feel about it. That last part is the scariest, but also the most rewarding. I try to honor my relationships by trusting them. This shift has helped turn something that could have been a problem into a strength. It also makes my life easier and relieves a lot of the pressure. Crohn’s is a frustrating, painful, and embarrassing ordeal. It’s best to not endure it all alone.

Sidewalk Hogs – The Worst Person Ever

I live and work in Chicago, so I encounter sidewalk hogs all the time. Usually, these are oblivious tourists or suburbanites. I know that there is a stigma that city people are rude and rushed, but be fair and try to understand. What’s a trip for you is part of my daily life. I’m glad you’re having a good time and that you appreciate my city, but I have places to go and things to do. I know you want to talk and share everything, but please respect the people who live and work here. Don’t congest my sidewalks. Remember that there is an active world around you. Don’t get pissy when people try to get past you. Try the “V” configuration, it works well.

There is a variant here – teenagers. Whereas tourists tend to be innocent and oblivious, teenagers are often aware but indifferent. They sometimes even actively try to be sidewalk hogs. They are a special breed of the worst person ever. I get that you feel powerful and excited being out in the world by yourselves, but get over it and grow up. As with most of the people in this series, all I ask for is the minimum level of decency and respect. It doesn’t take a lot to be a good guy.

Prep Time – The Crohn’s Saga Part 25

“Prep Time” depicts the defeat and despair I feel every time I’m told I need to have a colonoscopy. A colonoscopy itself is actually a very easy procedure, but the prep is hell. There are a few options out there in terms of what to drink for prep, but they all taste awful and have to be consumed in a small window of time to be effective. I’ve done this so many times by now that even the thought of the smell makes me want to throw up. As I get sicker and sicker, keeping down anything is a feat. Keeping this down is a matter of willpower.

Bearing in mind that I’m not a doctor, let’s learn about colonoscopies:

What is a colonoscopy?

A colonoscopy is a common procedure for Crohn’s and Colitis. It is also recommended for people over a certain age to monitor for cancer. Basically, a camera is inserted into the anus and pushed up through the colon as far as is possible. The camera is mounted on a long flexible tube that can also take samples for testing. Patients are either given a sedative or put to sleep during the procedure.

How do I prepare for a colonoscopy?

Prep is not fun. The bowels have to be cleared for this test to work, so you usually can’t have anything but clear liquids the day before. Then, starting around 5 or 6 the evening before, you need to drink the prep to clean yourself out. I’ve had several different versions of this in my 25 years with the disease and they all have one thing in common – they taste awful. Doctors will tell you to mix with a sports drink and that does help somewhat, but it is still terrible. You will also hate that sports drink afterward. The most common and least intense prep requires that you drink 8 oz every 15 minutes over a 2 hour period. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Maybe it’s the Crohn’s or maybe it’s just me, but I digest very slowly. This means that by my 3rd drink, I am bloated and sloshy. Add nauseating smell and taste to that, and you’re in a tough spot. Doesn’t matter though, you have to keep going. Throw it up? Just keep going. By the end, your stool should just be yellow water. That’s the goal. I usually don’t sleep the night before a colonoscopy. It is very unpleasant.

Now, this is a common test for older adults, so to those reading this, please don’t be scared. Remember that I’ve had to do this regularly since I was 11, and usually it’s been when I’ve been very sick. So yeah, I’m biased. I have extremely negative memories of prepping. It might not be such a big deal to someone not carrying my baggage.

What happens the day of?

Colonoscopies are usually scheduled in the mornings. It makes sense given that you can’t eat or drink after the prep. You will not be able to drive after your procedure, so make sure you arrange for a ride. You’ll show up, change into a gown, get into a bed, and get hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. After that, they’ll wheel you into the room and move you onto the procedure table. You’ll then have to roll onto one side and pull your knees to your chest. Around the time you start to realize how messed up this situation is, a nice anesthesiologist will come in, introduce himself/herself, put a drug in your IV, and ask you to count down from 1o. 10-7 are euphoria. You’ll be out by 6.

The drug they give you will probably put you to sleep (in my experience anyway), but you may be in and out of it during the procedure. The meds impair your memory, so if you do wake up, you aren’t likely to remember it. One time I woke up woke up though, and in my drugged stupor, I tried to pull the camera out and run away. They gave me more drugs and I fell back asleep. I’ve also been told I’m a terrible flirt when I’m drugged. Luckily, medical professionals tend to be a very understanding folk.

You’ll wake up back in a bed in the recovery room. You’ll be very in and out of it, and it will take a few minutes for your memory to come back. If you are close enough to your driver, ask him or her to be there, as the doctors will tell you the results of the test, but you may not remember it. Also, know that air gets in the bowels during the test, so you’ll fart a lot. Like a lot a lot. The whole recovery room is like a scene from raunchy comedy. You’ll be tired, achy, and hungry, so it is best to rest for the remainder of the day and take it easy the day after.

Any tips?
  1. If you mix your prep with a sports drink, make sure it isn’t red. That can show up as blood during the test.
  2. If you are concerned about nausea during the prep, ask your doctor about it. I usually take something that helps me keep everything down.
  3. You will be uncomfortably full of liquid during prep, so it is best to walk around to help digestion.
  4. Buy soft toilet paper for this. You’ll be glad you did.
  5. The part about having to repeat if you throw up too much is totally true. It happened to me a few years ago and it was devastating. Try to keep it down, but if you do throw up a lot of it, call your doctor before the procedure and let him or her know.