How to talk about Crohn’s and being sick? This one is tough. It always was for me at least. Growing up German/Irish/Catholic in the Midwest, I was raised to keep a stiff upper lip and endure. I vividly remember being 18 and having my grandmother tell me that she was was proud of me for suffering in silence. I was extremely sick at the time. Like, could barely walk and in constant pain sick. We went to her place for a cookout and she told me she knew I was hurting and that it was great that I was keeping quiet and putting on a proud face. Her comment meant so much to me at the time. Now I just feel sad about it. I know she suffered a lot and I wish she’d talked about it and reached out for comfort.
Luckily, my fiancé is a tough young woman who speaks her mind and doesn’t take any crap. That she challenges me is one of the things I love best about her. At the time this happened, I’d been out of work on disability for about 2 months and I was starting to get really sick. Having had Crohn’s for so long, I was fully aware of how badly things could go for me. It was frustrating enough never having any energy, so I didn’t want to also her burden her with the details of the pain and my fears of where things could go. What I thought was mercy was actually just hurtful. She interpreted my silence and dismissals as pushing her away. I’m sure she wasn’t the only one.
So, I now take a different approach when I talk about my health. Not everyone needs to know everything, but I let the people closest to me know what’s going on, how I’m thinking about it, and how I feel about it. That last part is the scariest, but also the most rewarding. I try to honor my relationships by trusting them. This shift has helped turn something that could have been a problem into a strength. It also makes my life easier and relieves a lot of the pressure. Crohn’s is a frustrating, painful, and embarrassing ordeal. It’s best to not endure it all alone.