Relationships can be great, but moving in together is always an adjustment. It’s the little things that catch you off guard. Case in point, my fiancé didn’t grow up in a household that had a dishwasher. She is used to stacking dishes in the sink, then washing them all at once. I was raised in a household with a dishwasher, so I am used to rinsing off dirty dishes and putting them in the dishwasher immediately after I eat. Our current apartment has a dishwasher and I’m in charge of doing the dishes. Imagine my frustration when I unload the dishwasher and put everything away, then turn around a see a dirty little jerk spoon lying there mocking me and my efforts to keep the kitchen clean.
I always try to warn couples moving in together that they will be caught off guard at how strongly they feel about little things they’ve never even thought about simply because they’ve never been around anyone who does the same thing differently. Do you floss before or after you brush? Do you blow your nose with kleenex or toilet paper? Do you put tin foil under cookies when you are baking or do you lie them directly on the pan? How many times do you hit the snooze button in the morning before you get out of bed? Do you have the t.v. or radio on in the morning, or do you like it quiet? What’s the right temperature to set on the thermostat? Do you clip your nails into a wastebasket or into the toilet? How do you fold your clothes?
In healthy relationships, you can talk about these things. You can laugh at them. You can try to convince the other that your way is the correct way, but if you can’t, you can chalk it up to a quirk that makes them them. In unhealthy relationships, these little things can be the spark that ignites the breakup. I love my relationship and I’ve learned to live with the occasional offensive spoon. I hope she’s learned to live with my liberal snooze bar usage.
