Category: The Worst Person Ever

This one drives me nuts. Chewing gum can be a pleasurable, beneficial activity for sure, but doing it irresponsibly lowers a person and incurs disdain. One moment you’re a normal human and the next you’re mindlessly chomping away with a dead look in your eye, like a cow or a goat. To phrase it like an old school authoritarian, gum chewers are better seen than heard.

Failing to use a turn signal drives me crazy. All I ask of people is that they put in the minimal effort to be considerate of those around them. Flicking on the turn signal is literally the most minimal effort I can think of. Yet, there are those out there who don’t do it. Why? Seriously, it’s the simplest thing ever, it makes a huge difference in traffic, it reduces stress and confusion for everyone, and oh yeah, it’s the law! Even if it weren’t the law though, seriously, just do it so that you aren’t that guy. You live in a world with a lot of other people. Just give a shit. Please.

For over 8 years, I spent at least 2-1/2 hours a day in my car for my commute to and from work. I live in Chicago, so during rush hour, there are cars everywhere. People zig zag all over the highway and in the city, they suddenly slow down, stop, or pull over at random. It’s chaos. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten stuck behind someone at an intersection because they want to turn but didn’t use the signal. It’s infuriating. Again, it comes down to a minimal effort for a minimal amount of respect for the people around you.

After a few years, I even wrote a song about it to help me deal with my road rage. I’ll spare you the details, but basically, take the tune from the theme to Goldfinger, but use “Turn Signal” instead of “Goldfinger”. Wah waaah wah.

Parking like a jerk is definitely one of those little things that will make people think you are the worst person ever. I had to have surgery about a month ago and I was almost late because it took forever to find a parking spot. It took forever to find a parking spot because 1 in 20 cars was taking up 2 spaces. It did not help my stress.

Parking like a jerk is either done intentionally or unintentionally. Unintentionally means you’re human. Sometimes we have a lot on our minds and it’s easy to park and leave without a second thought. This is understandable. However, when you’re in a place like a hospital parking lot, everyone probably has a lot on their minds, so you’ve please got to be aware. As with most of The Worst Person Evers, the takeaway here is to just put in the minimal effort to help out others.

Oh, and parking like a jerk intentionally means you’re a lousy selfish inhuman monster and I will feel shameful joy if I see your car get keyed.

Not wearing headphones when listening to something in public is definitely inconsiderate enough to make you a worst person ever. I take public transportation to and from work every day, and I encounter this at least once a week. It drives me crazy. Train time is my quiet time and I can’t stand it when people interfere.

Also, have you ever noticed that it’s always crappy music that gets blasted and never anything good? It’s doubly vexing. Not only do I have to listen to what you’ve chosen to listen to, but what you’ve chosen to listen to sucks. Boo.

Narcissistic politicians are absolutely candidates for The Worst Person Ever. Look, I’ve done my best to keep Hoot Deconstructed neutral about a lot of issues, but I can’t stay quiet on this one anymore. It was overshadowed by the repulsive events in Virginia this past weekend, but last week, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un got into a pissing contest in which they repeatedly threatened each other with nuclear war. It was disgusting and terrifying.

Here’s the deal. It should be the role of politicians to look after the people they represent. Regardless of your political beliefs, you should expect representation, protection, and a voice for your interests. Not only have these two made it clear that they don’t care about their people, they are playing with nuclear annihilation like it’s some kind of joke. This isn’t funny. You’re casually referencing killing millions of people just to prove that you have the bigger dick. Shame on you. Get over yourselves. Start acting in the interests of your people or step down.

And we the people, how much more of this crap are we going to tolerate? The world has changed. This is that dangerous time in history where technology is bringing us all together, but governments, nations, religions, races, etc. are still tearing us apart. I think it’s time we had politicians who unite us instead of making us see each other as enemies. If this doesn’t start happening soon, we’re not going to make it.