Category: The Worst Person Ever

Litterers are straight up worst person ever material. As with most of these, it boils down to accountability and putting in the minimal effort to be considerate. I live in Chicago and I see people throw trash on the street every day. When I worked in the suburbs, I would see people throw garbage out of their cars at least a once a week. I take stewardship seriously. This is my home, why wouldn’t I look out for it? Why wouldn’t I want to keep it clean and nice? What does it say about people who don’t care?

I’ve often tried to get into the mindset of this one since it baffles and frustrates me so much. I can understand trying to throw something into the trash and not realizing you’ve missed, but beyond that, there’s no excuse. In the city, there’s a garbage can every block. I cherish a bit of anarchy too, but littering isn’t sticking anything to anyone. It just makes you a jerk.

Quick little diatribe – the root of this is what also confuses me about anti-environmentalists. Even if you don’t believe in global warming, why would you take issue with keeping the planet clean? It just doesn’t make any sense. So I guess by my reasoning if you’re anti-environmental, you’re also a jerk. It follows.

Gate crowders drive me absolutely nuts. My wife and I just got back from our honeymoon and for both of our flights, we were lucky enough to be assigned to early boarding groups. It didn’t really matter though since we also encountered this with both flights. When it comes to boarding, I’ve noticed that IQs drop and people behave more like cavemen than socially-evolved humans. For some reason, people always feel the need to form a protective barrier around the gate that prevents others from boarding. They have guaranteed seats and boarding numbers, but still they mill around like some sort of vapid cow/vulture hybrids.

There are two reasons for this:

1. Airlines now oppressively charge fliers. It feels like they all collaborated to cut leg room and nickel-and-dime passengers as much as possible. We all need to pay to check bags now and no one wants to do that, so everyone tries to get away with carry on. Planes were designed more for checked luggage instead of carry on, so there is limited room. This means you need to board as early as possible to avoid having to gate check your bags. It slows everything down, stresses everyone out, and turns what used to be a pleasurable activity into a competition. Thanks airlines!
2. Groups of people are just stupid like that. I think they nailed it in Men In Black when they observed that “A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals”. Want to see society devolve? Try flying Ryan Air sometime. That airline doesn’t allow reserved seats and it doesn’t offer boarding groups. It is first come, first serve. Gate crowders get even more aggressive and fights have been known to break out. Yay people!

So, airlines, stop contributing a larger system that’s destroying the middle class. Stop screwing us over and let us be civilized.

And people, get your shit together. You’re about to go flying up in the sky. Relax, enjoy, and be civil.

Have you ever been on an escalator and had the person in front of you just stop at the end instead of going anywhere? Like, just stand there while the escalator propels you into them and the people behind you into you? Stinks, right? Those are the sudden stoppers. In addition to escalators, these people also frequently terrorize elevators, train doors, turnstiles, and revolving doors.

This lack of situational awareness and regard for others adds sudden stoppers to the ever-growing list of The Worst Person Ever.