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Merriam-Webster defines mercy as “the compassionate treatment of those in distress”. When you’re in the hospital laid out in pain with tubes in nearly every orifice, mercy makes all the difference. In that situation, your morale hangs by a thread, so kindness and compassion can make or break you. For my recovery, I was lucky to have a highly competent and compassionate staff looking after me.

I first met the Ostomy Nurse the morning of my surgery. She taught me all about ostomies, and she measured and marked where mine would go. During my recovery, she taught me how to empty and change my bag. In short, she was my guide for my new life. She was the Virgil to my Dante.

The Ostomy Nurse was polite and knowledgeable, but the mercy she showed me depicted above is what I remember most. I’ve had a lot of nurses over the years. Some have had good hearts, but weren’t the most competent. Others were skilled, but they were checked out and just going through the motions. The best are skilled, engaged, compassionate, and able to read their patients. The Ostomy Nurse fell into this latter category.

Sometimes I think I’m just being whiny about all of this. People have been through much worse. But then I remember that this surgery came after a year of a nasty flare and 25 years of life with this stupid disease. Like most chronic illnesses, Crohn’s Disease wears you down. It’s always in the back of my mind, like a thug waiting in the shadows. I’d dreaded having an ostomy for years. Now I had one. On top of that, I was having a bad recovery. The physical pain I was feeling at the time was nothing compared to the penetrating hopelessness.

That’s how I was feeling when the Ostomy Nurse came into my room to train me on how to take care of my new body. I didn’t want to learn about my ostomy. I hadn’t even really been able to look at it at that point. I was dealing with too much and I couldn’t cope with the reality of it all. Luckily, after one glance, she knew where I was and she knew that I couldn’t have handled it. That’s mercy. That’s the compassionate treatment of a person in distress.

I will always be grateful for her and the rest of the staff at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. They are exceptional. They treated me with compassionate care every step of the way and that made all the difference.

You’ve already seen me be the worst fiancé ever and now you get to see me be the worst son ever. My dad was just trying to be helpful, but I snapped at him. I was in a bad place at that time and I couldn’t endure even the thought of having a visitor. It was taking all my mental and emotional resources to hold myself together and I just didn’t have the capacity to deal with anything else. I didn’t want to see anyone or be seen by anyone.

Back in April, I posted 12 Things to Know About Visiting a Crohnie in the Hospital. The recurring rule there is never ever visit someone in the hospital without checking in first. I cannot overemphasize the importance of that. Sometimes the reason is simple – you could be out of the room for a test, you could be in the shower, whatever. Sometimes it’s more of a morale thing though. When I’m in a bad place and I know I’m incapable of putting a good face on it, I usually just want to be alone.

During that time with the catheter and the ng tube, I even tried to keep my fiancé and a friend who had flown in from California to see me from visiting. Thankfully, they pushed and I allowed them in. It’s a hard thing to look people you love in the eye and know that they are seeing you suffering and just about ready to break. It’s hard to be so exposed in front of others. Luckily, the two of them could handle it and I could handle being that vulnerable in front of them.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease when I was 11. It was hard for me, but it must have been hell for my parents. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must have been for them to see their son suffering and be helpless to do anything about it. I think that helplessness never goes away and I’m grateful that they find ways to try to share the burden. I hope they know that.

One of the best things to have come out of all of this is the reassurance that I’m not alone. It’s a powerful thing to know. I’m lucky when it comes to having good people in my life and I’m grateful for all of them.